Now I'm remarried and have been happy for 10 years. Either from within the relationship, which is more common, and someone comes along that fills that need. There is no list of must-haves on the healing-from-cheating plan. Glass delivers the much needed validation that readers are right to be suspicious of the dismissive, "We're just friends" response when questioning their spouse about someone they've been spending a lot of their time with. Eventually I moved out and initiated a divorce , and got lots of therapy to figure out where this behavior was coming from. They will sometimes cheat just for the sex, even when they are perfectly happy with their primary relationship. Those who understand and trust the evolution of love that exists in a truly committed relationship will rarely find themselves tempted to cheat.
But underlying all of that is a sense that the man does not matter, that he is not valued, and that his partner no longer appreciates him. Now I'm remarried and have been happy for 10 years. But it can be something missing from within a person. What it does mean, is that you're willing to close that chapter and move on. And this may in fact be the case, because men and women tend to think and feel differently about sex and relationships. It's a part of becoming an adult. This feeling, which plays upon self esteem and early attachment deprivation, counteracts all insecurity and self-doubt. The common reason women cheat is because of frustrations in their relationship. Maybe the married person's spouse is out of town or the would be cheater is away on business and the chance of getting caught is extremely remote. As Nicholas Wolfinger noted in an earlier post , Americans born in the s and s reported the highest rates of extramarital sex, perhaps because they were the first generations to come of age during the sexual revolution. Further Reading On Cheating There have been plenty of books penned on the topic of affairs and infidelity to help those who have been affected cope with the situation — and to help cheaters understand the motivations behind why they did what they did. The book also provides guidance on how to prevent these situations from happening, and puts readers on the path to healing. Once I was in college and in a long-term relationship, it was because there were things I wasn't getting from the relationship, but I had no idea how to communicate that to my partner. What happens in marriages to cause problems, such as an affair, is that people feel emotionally disconnected from their partner and do not know how to get their needs met in a healthy manner so they look for other ways to fulfill themselves. Meanwhile, women are more likely to cheat when their primary relationship is not going well, and that type of already-troubled connection might not be worth the pain and effort required to rebuild relationship trust, emotional intimacy, and long-term harmony. Wrong, yes, but true. Infidelity does not necessarily signal something wrong in the relationship; rather, it reflects that being in a relationship is a daily choice. In that state of loneliness, they become susceptible to the attention and adoration of someone new. Once you're in affair territory, you're cheating on your partner with the same person. Whether this is a one-night stand or an affair, you are keeping these intimate secrets from your partner and that isn't OK. Was the motivation behind your actions due to the fact that you want out of your current romantic situation? Numerous other studies have produced similar results, confirming that, generally speaking, women are attracted to and turned on by emotional intimacy especially in committed relationships , while men are more turned on by sex acts. People who feel entitled to sex any way they can get it, will always rationalize cheating, and just keep doing it. They get their jollies from illicit sex. I think it is different for everyone, but I will say if you're only in a relationship a short time and you or your partner is cheating, then you probably shouldn't be together.
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The Narcissist & Sex: Why Cheat?
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